Perspective

A few weeks ago Adam and I were watching the news when a story came on about moms who breastfeed their children until they wean themselves, even if that means nursing a six year old child. Time magazine had stirred up the controversy the week before by giving their cover to the topic.

As we watched the interview I turned to Adam and said, “There are moms who breastfeed their kids till they’re six? I’ll be happy if I make it six months with Autumn.”

Nursing my babies has not come easily. During each pregnancy, I’ve had a new strategy. With Autumn, I thought maybe our home birth would help. I thought if I wasn’t separated from her at all the first week of her life, I might magically produce more milk than I did for Sky and Micah (I didn’t). I also thought if I ate more or differently this time, or mastered the SNS, or saw the lactation consultant early enough I would make enough milk (I didn’t).

My babies have all had formula. Lots of it. Way more formula than breast milk. I think I’ve started to come to terms with it. My mom and Adam have both helped me tremendously, reassuring me that I’ve done everything I can and reminding me that our children have all been healthy anyway. I know they’re right, so I’m mostly okay about it. But then something—like seeing a picture of someone breastfeeding her six year old under the title “Are You Mom Enough?”—will trigger my frustration and guilt all over again.

A few days after the news story, some friends started passing around a post written by Kristen Howerton in response to the Time article. You really should head over there right now and read it because it’s amazing, but in case you don’t, here’s the general idea: There is no point in allowing the media to manipulate us into arguments over whether or not it’s good to breastfeed a child through kindergarten. Why waste our time criticizing well-meaning mothers over the absolute perfect way to parent when there are some children in the world with no parents at all? Why aren’t we all worked up about that?

My breastfeeding struggles have always been about my babies and me. But now when something stirs up that familiar sting of disappointment, I think of Kristen’s post. And I feel a little less sad for Autumn and a little less sorry for myself. My mind goes to the orphans in the world and God’s love and concern for them. I think about friends I have who’ve adopted needy children and I’m reminded to pray for them. I should allow God to lift my head up, away from my own problems more often.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” – James 1:27