The Birth Wild Card

Happy due date to me!

I can’t say I’m surprised that today feels like any other day. Well, any day with a massive baby bump, that is. For whatever reason, God has given me three very long pregnancies (41 weeks a piece) and three very short labors (5 hours, then 3 hours, then just over 2).

So as baby #4’s due date approached, I mentally prepared myself to watch it pass without too much excitement. But I have to admit, I wondered if this time things might be different.

Because that’s the thing about birth. It’s always a bit of a wild card.

We are hoping to have this baby at home. But as I sit here this afternoon, thinking about the birth and how I’d love for it to unfold, I’m almost laughing. Because the truth is I can’t cause a single contraction on my own, much less plan out the details of when and how this baby arrives.

Of course, God lets us make choices. We can pray and educate ourselves and decide which path we want to take. We have some mysterious level of influence over what happens to us. But in the end, an uncomplicated, natural birth is a gift from God.

When your pregnancy goes long, you have extra time to worry. What if labor’s too fast and the midwives don’t get here in time (which almost happened with Autumn)? Or worse—what if labor’s too slow? What if we have crazy complications? And just how BIG is this baby going to be by the time he comes out?! But worrying only leads to less sleep. And sleep is really precious to us right now. So over the past few weeks, Adam and I have talked a lot about choosing excitement over anxiety. A friend recently pointed out that God doesn’t give us the grace to handle what we imagine. Only what actually happens moment by moment.

My mom says whenever she’s overwhelmed with fears about the future, she senses the Holy Spirit asking her, “What is before you today? Just focus on that.”

I’m 40 weeks pregnant and my days feel long. It’s hard to sleep and my back hurts a lot. But the sky is bright blue today and I’m watching my three kiddos jump on the trampoline outside in the cold sunshine. A loaf of bread is baking in the oven and I can feel this new little life stretching and kicking inside me. What’s before me today might not be easy, but moment by moment, it’s really not that hard.

God holds the secrets of this little guy’s birth. It’s a story He is writing and only He knows exactly how it’ll all play out. In the meantime, the anticipation builds…