After I had Sky I struggled with the baby blues for several months. It happened again when Micah was born. It seems illogical considering how much we wanted and love each child. But during the early weeks especially I found myself going back and forth between feelings of intense happiness (am I really this beautiful baby’s mommy?) and an almost-panicky sense of responsibility (am I really the one making all the decisions for this fragile new life?). Once we settled into a new routine and I started getting more sleep, my emotions calmed down and I was able to enjoy each baby more. At the end of my third pregnancy I began to wonder how it would go this time.
Autumn is two weeks old now and so far I’ve had a lot of help. My sister-in-law Aron, who’s also an RN, stayed with us the night after Autumn’s birth to help us check her vitals and give us a little extra peace of mind. Adam had a full week off work after Autumn’s birth and even now he’s able to go in late and come home early when I need it. Friends from church and MOPS have brought meal after tasty meal. Family has stopped by to visit several times, bringing more food and giving extra attention to each child. People have offered to watch Sky and Micah for me, and we’ve opened many fun packages of new baby clothes from our long distance friends and family.
And then there’s my mom, who just flew home to Michigan over the weekend. I’m probably not even aware of everything she did during her two weeks with us. All I know is I had plenty of time to peacefully nurse the baby and take long showers. Our sink somehow stayed empty of dirty dishes and every afternoon clean, folded laundry would magically appear in our dresser drawers. Sky and Micah were entertained and happy, and best of all, I got to spend hours every day chatting and laughing with one of my favorite people.
This is my first week at home by myself with the kids and I have to admit, I’m a little nervous about how well I’ll cope with my new daily reality—a three year old, a two year old, and a newborn. I know many moms are happily raising a lot more than three kids (like those Duggars, oh my goodness), but for me just having two felt like a lot.
The days at home are often busy and fun, and yet sometimes they can be lonely. But all the help I’ve had since Autumn’s birth has stamped these words onto my mind: “You are not alone.” Having a baby is one of the best things that can happen to a woman, and it’s great that everyone wants to celebrate it. But when people stop by with food and send encouraging texts, it goes beyond congratulations. It feels almost like a validation, like my friends are saying it’s okay that I’m tired and maybe not up for cooking dinner. It’s okay that sometimes having a house full of little ones is hard. It doesn’t mean I’m unaware of the tremendous blessings in my life.
God has surrounded me with thoughtful people and I want to say thank you to each one of you. Your love and prayers during the last few weeks will encourage me for a long time. I feel like I’ve been quite a taker lately and I hope I have the chance to give something back to each of you soon.
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