Halfway! Maybe.

I’m now 21 weeks into this pregnancy, which means I’m past halfway. Maybe. Or maybe I’m exactly halfway. Pregnancy by the book is 40 weeks, but with both Sky and Micah I was induced at 41 weeks. And since only God knows the exact moment life begins and the “right” amount of days this child needs to grow inside me, I guess I should just say I’m about halfway and leave it at that.

I’m starting to realize how important it is not to circle my due date on the calendar or start thinking February 13^th will be this child’s birthday. With my first two pregnancies I counted down the days and weeks and when each due date came and went like every other day, I was crushed. A little pressure from our doctor was all I needed to schedule each induction.

This time though, I’m hoping things will be different. Obviously, I hope I won’t be overdue at all. But since it seems like that’s my body’s tendency, I’m trying to mentally prepare myself to have this baby closer to the end of February and not the middle. And here is why: I really, really want to go into labor on my own. Without Cervidil. Without Pitocin. And without Cytotec. Definitely without Cytotec. I want to experience an all-natural birth. Not just epidural-free, but without an IV. Just me, with Adam’s encouragement, having this baby, pure and simple.

Our biggest prayer is that our baby will be healthy, however she arrives, and I appreciate knowing there are IV’s and fetal monitors and Pitocin available if I need them. But I’m hoping that this time my body will know what to do on its own. And I’m praying I’ll be strong enough to wait longer, all the way to 42 weeks, to give my body a chance to start labor on its own.

I already know it’ll be hard to wait. For whatever reason, something shifts in my mind once I pass my due date and I turn into an emotional wreck. All it takes is for someone to kindly pat me on the shoulder and say “you’re ready to have this baby now, aren’t you,” and I’m suddenly signing papers to start an induction. We’re working with a different practice this time though, and the midwives are already encouraging me to wait patiently for the natural birth I want.

I love that God doesn’t just care about the end result in any area of life. He cares about how we get there too. And He loves our little girl even more than we do. We are already so thankful for her and can’t wait to meet her.

Wait, what was I just saying? Oh yeah, patience. I’ll keep working on it.