I’ve been reading a bit more lately. It’s not that I have more time these days really—it’s that I’m obsessed with the Kindle Fire I got for my birthday. I love that I can buy a book while my kids are napping and immediately start reading it. I also love that I can indulge in book gluttony and not even realize it since I no longer have a mess of novels on my nightstand.
But all that is beside the point. What I really want to do is tell you about the book I’m reading right now. It’s called Dinner: A Love Story by food writer/blogger Jenny Rosenstrach, and I bought it hoping for a little inspiration in the kitchen. It’s full of yummy-looking food photos and recipes I might even try at some point. But my favorite part of the book popped up unexpectedly. It’s a chapter called Two Under Two, about how much her life changed once she became a mom of two girls, born 20 months apart.
“Without sleep, everything seemed more dramatic than it actually was,” Rosenstrach shares. “Once, at work, I had to restrain myself from lunging at a coworker who had no kids and who claimed she was ‘exhausted’ from being at a bar so late the night before.” Rosenstrach’s husband later pointed out, “we no longer get tired; we are tired.”
I read that chapter while feeding Autumn on a particularly rough day and it brought a happy tear to my eye (see how right she is about the extra drama?). I closed my Kindle and thought yeah, it really is hard to be a new parent. Maybe Adam and I aren’t the only ones to go a bit crazy over the chaos of life with young children. Later I read a few parts of the chapter to Adam (very loudly so he could hear me over the kids), and we laughed about them and felt a little better.
We know God wants His children to be thankful and focus on the positive. I often pray He will help me do everything without complaining. But there’s also a place for truth. The ugly, lovely, encouraging truth. It’s nice to know I’m not the only mom trying to stop myself from telling every person I see just how many times the baby woke me up last night.
So where is the line between honesty and whining? When should we open up about the hard parts and when should we just share the upside? I’m not sure. Adam and I have been talking about this a lot lately, how we don’t want to be people who constantly dump our problems onto everyone around us. We want to be a blessing. But we also want to connect on a deep, genuine level with our family and friends. And sometimes the best encouragement is a simple reminder that we’re not alone in the struggle.
I don’t know where Rosenstrach stands with God. But when it comes to opening up, I think she gets it right. Her point clearly isn’t just to talk about herself or complain about her kids. Her tone says I-made-it-and-so-can-you, a message I could stand to hear about once an hour these days. I give her bonus points for the laughter.
That is what is so good about having friends who are our own age and older, so that we know we are not alone in what we are walking through. There is a comfort in having the comaraderie of knowing someone else is walking through the same thing while we are, so we can relate with our mixed emotions. It is a blessing to be encouraged by the ones who have walked through the same thing and come out for the better of it, with much wisdome from their hindsight, to encourage in the areas where we struggle. Talking with others helps to put things in a healthier perspective and we women tend to do our processing through vocal expression. May God continue to bless you with encouragement from various sources.
Good point! Thanks Terry. =)
Such a well written post, Linni. And your perspective is so practical and good. I love you, and you can vent to me any time!
I know I can and I’m so, so thankful. Love you!